Teisel pool mind

...sest mul lihtsalt on vaja need ühte kohta kokku koguda.

Mark Yoffe oli meie külalisõppejõud (Washingtoni ülikoolis töötav, Lätis sündinud), kes luges kahte lühi-loengusarja - "Vampiirid Ida-Euroopa folklooris ja Lääne popkultuuris" ja "Rokkfestival: rokk, vastu-/subkultuur ja huumor" (viimases ma ei käinud).

Geniaalne mees.

Ma siiamaani olen sillas tema loengutest ja tagasisidest, mis ta mu eksamile andis.
Meil: "Very good work Mirjam! You get an A+.
Your English is beautiful! Where did you get it? Best MY"
^__^

Igatahes...tema surematud tsitaadid:
(Vampiiride loengust)
"Like zombies - good people, very popular."
"Dracula can't be undead since he never dies. He's just a very very old guy."
"Does Russia have vampires? Well... Yes, but it's a complicated situation there. Because everything is complicated in Russia."
"We got only one friend. The village policeman. A stupid guy. A Russian guy. Complete moron."
(On the belief that vampires cannot enter your home unless invited.) "Total bullshit, don't believe it, it doesn't happen."
(On Greek vampires, who don't drink blood, but feast on your liver instead.) "This guy comes over, attaches to your liver and munches away."
(The whiteboard eraser makes a weird loud rattling sound.) "*shake-shake* Jesus. *shake-shake-shake* Why..? *shake-shake* Amazing."
"She was very dead. She died! She was decomposing in the coffin!"
"The priest killed the hell out of him. Very sad story."
"We will talk about demonology later. Because I really like scaring children with demonic stories."
"Albanians. Nobody knows who the hell they are."
"They're Irish. It's what they do."
(Last sentence of the class. Said in a spooky voice.) "Vampires don't come alone."
"It rapes you at night. Let's talk about it. Such a fun topic."
(To the guys.)"A night of lovemaking with a demon. Congratulations."
(To the girls.) "Congratulations, you are pregnant with a child of Incubus and Succubus."
"Governments can't run countries of naked people!"
"So I said, "'Whoosh!'-making vampires?" and the Bulgarian man said, "Yes, those are our vampires, it's what they do."
"(Talking about cannibalism.) "Germans like these kinds of things."
"Literary vampire: slim, elegant, well-groomed, well-dressed... Folkloric vampire: a dirty local fellow named Vanja that fell into a ditch and broke his neck."
"A cat. A cat! The animal. Meow meow."
"A 12 year old boy is watching the body, he needs to go to the bathroom and during that time a cat, a duck or a chicken jumps over the corpse."
"Very bad things can happen to you after you're dead if you're suspected of vampirization. Not that you care, because you're dead."
"You kill yourself - you pay for it!"
(On people that are too tall being suspected of vampirization.) "Like if you're a Norwegijan and go to Romania, you're tall and people don't want you to die in their area - go back to Norway!"
(About The Blair Witch Project having been filmed with a handheld camera.) "So by the end of the movie you're not only scared shitless, but you're also about to throw up."
"As a member of the community you should behave well and die on time."
"Say the usual lifespan is 64 and you die at 23... Eeeehhhh..."
"Somehow people prefer that the dead stay dead."
"So. Vanja is dead. In a grave. He digs himself out and starts walking around the village."
"Like, for instance, your cow died. Or you go in the woods, looking for your dog and you find half of your dog. And you think, "Aaah, that suicider Branco," or, "Aaah, that prostitute Marusa did it.""
"Yes, cats! All over the place!"
(Vampires can take the form of ducks.) "Cause you would never suspect a small duck, walking in and out of the house!"
"It rolls around the countryside, making beautiful suffocating sounds."
"So there's just a blob of blood, rolling around the countryside."
(Vampires sometimes go back home after returning from the dead, knock on the door and ask for something of theirs. Like maybe shoes or something.) "And you KNOW that Branco is walking around the village, asking for shoes!"
"It is presumed it's wrong to be dead and walk around."
"But if you are extremely scared of uncle Branco, you take a BIG nail and put it through his chest."
"It's a good thing to impale a turk!"
"If you eat a cow that was attacked by Arnold Paole, you will become a vampire."
"Whether you are a handsome corpse or an ugly corpse, it doesn't matter - you're a vampire!"
(Some people to their god.) "We give you a goat, you leave us alone, okay?"

Tsitaate rokiloengust: geku blogis siin ja siin

geku: Ja ta on totaalselt vampiiri nägu ning meie kahtlusi ei vähenda (pigem vastupidi) asjaolu, et ta meile eelmise nädala esimeses loengus oma slaavipärase aktsendiga (think Dracula) ütles: "I am not a vampire."


<3